You're Not Cool Enough
I'm just, you know, better. And some tips on how to be confident.
There’s no trait more attractive than effortlessness.
It’s charm, style, and beauty that don’t come from a tutorial.
And charm isn’t a hairstyle, like how style isn’t fashion and beauty isn’t purely cosmetic. Actually, the more you try to be fashionable, the tackier you look.
You know what’s the greatest compliment you can ever receive?
“You make it look so easy.”
It’s effortless grace (because studied grace is not grace). It’s nonchalance. It’s exceptional performance despite the flaws—rounding errors, of course, because it’s more human to be a little rough around the edges. It’s staying calm under pressure. It’s doing without trying. A boy once told me that I do things with an air of aristocratic laziness; I told him it’s my artistic temperament.
It’s a 51-year-old Turkish dude taking home a silver Olympic medal like it’s something on his to-do list he just needs to get over with. No special gear. His glasses the only eye protection. White jersey and blue trousers. One hand in the pocket.
It’s Jane Birkin’s casual confidence that makes simple jeans and a white t-shirt look sophisticated and spontaneous yet impeccably curated.
It’s Phoebe Philo’s aura in an oversized jumper and wide-legged bottoms with white sneakers. It’s James Dean’s laid-back, rebellious spirit. You get it.
Nowadays, we’re so dominated by the clamor of effort and the grind of ambition. It’s no wonder we’re drawn to the allure of effortlessness and the enchantment of sprezzatura, the Italian word that means something like “the ability to make mistakes look good”, originating from the fashion world but applying everywhere.
We want mastery that appears magical in its ease. Magic. That’s were looking for… Magic. Charm is found in imperfection. Confidence is found in the personal touches. Style is found in what’s carefree. It’s an elusive energy that slangs have had to evolve for over the years, from “swagger” to “rizz” to “aura”.
I play the piano. As much as my ears enjoy the geometrical perfection of Bach, my fingers don’t agree with his liquid calculus. I like rubato, fluidity, and slippery notes. It’s why my favorite composer to play is Debussy—he gives me the freedom of being me in my interpretation. And some pianists sneer at me when I say that but I think they really underestimate how difficult it is to play Debussy, the absolute control that is needed to sound as light as a bird, like how the best ballerinas’ leaps seem to defy gravity.
To be soft, you have to be strong. To be light, you have to have control. To float, you need power. Seriousness is a vice, actually. “It’s easy to be heavy and hard to be light”, as G.K. Chesterton said, “Satan fell by the force of gravity.”
Most people can sting like a bee but not everyone can float like a butterfly.
Effortlessness is the ultimate show of mastery. Coolness captivates us because it hides the labor behind the spectacular, presenting us with the facade of an I-was-born-this-way genius.
Coolness is sexy because it carries the mythos that divine talent cannot be taught, only bestowed. It’s messianic. It’s a glimpse of transcendence, a break from the mundane and the toil of practice. Yes, that’s me, God’s favorite. I do not look, I am looked at.
Coolness is also the highest point of humility. Coolness forgoes ostentation by letting actions speak volumes without the need for fanfare. Confidence is quiet. True mastery does not need to shout.
Any man who must say, “I am the king” is no true king. — Tywin Lannister
How to talk to anyone
As a Canadian, I have a natural talent for being aloof and making people feel unwelcome while being extremely polite. I’ve also had to train myself to stop apologizing for things I wasn’t truly sorry for.